I’m getting married in five days. We have been engaged for over two years. Holy long engagement. I would not necessarily recommend it but I am extremely thankful for it. I only get one chance to post something with my current point of view. Soon, I won’t be the outsider looking in at marriage. So, for the sake of making this an easier read, married people chill out, please. I know I’m green and don’t have any experience in your arena. Single people, good for you.
Let’s dive right into it. I have been getting marital advice for the better part of two years now. Some of it solicited, most of it not. I have heard things all over the spectrum. One older gentleman told me that marriage wouldn’t last unless I had my own room. A room that my wife was not allowed in. It had to be my space and she could have no input. From his perspective, this was a must. Being a newbie, I find it bit too strong. However, some dude reading this is going to take it to the bank and insist on his own room. Good luck.
I’ve also heard some really good things about conflict management and communication. It’s hard to solve a problem if the other person does not know it exists. Therefore, we share things, even if it is uncomfortable or potentially harmful to the other. Openness, so I’m told, is actually a must. Funny how this is in direct contrast to the whole “get your own room” idea. The good news is I have a lifetime to figure it out. I don’t have to be perfect and neither does she. We get to figure things out together. That’s the fun part. That is what keeps life interesting.
Now to the point of this whole thing. It would have been very easy for me to judge those around me. Married couples that is. I have tons of newlywed friends that are all figuring things out. Some things are working and some things aren’t. From an outsiders point of view, it would be simple to say that my soon to be wife and I aren’t going to have those problems or those kinds of arguments. I could have judged everyone else’s struggles. Or even worse, I could have been envious of their circumstances. And often I think that can be a rub with newlyweds. Every other couple is in a better state than us, right? They don’t have these problems. We constantly tell ourselves this story. We do it personally, but it magnifies when in a relationship.
This is what I have come to understand. I can’t look at someone else’s relationship and apply it to mine. Just like we are all unique, so are our relationships. Especially intimate ones. There’s a really bad country song out called “The Joneses,” and it explains this well. While the song is miserable to listen to it tells the truth. Live your own life. Work on your own marriage. Don’t worry about everyone else or try to make your life look like someone else. As I get ready to marry the goofiest, cutest, most genuine girl in the world, I know that there will be some tough times. Things may not always be smooth sailing. But I’ll be damned if I don’t sail my own boat. I have prayed for the relationships around me but I will not judge them or try and fix anything. I have my own beautiful mess to work on. In summary, remember I am not yet married. This may be the dumbest thing you’ll read all week. But my prayer will always be that my future wife and I work on us, constantly. That we celebrate the little things and be honest about the big things. I can’t wait to navigate this whole marriage thing.
Say a prayer for us, will ya?